Nobody reads my blog. At least that's how the story goes. There's a certain amount of freedom that this all affords me.
If words fall like trees and no one's around to hear them... so here goes little sweet nothingness.
There's something hauntingly wonderful & sad about The National and this song in particular.
I think it was about 2 years ago that I first heard this tune and it was a pretty odd time in my life.
Work was work. There's always plenty work to be done. Lots to lose yourself inside of especially when you are avoiding voids in your life. Being as old/young as I am, it's not so uncommon. Music pours out through office space headphones. Mostly it's a harmless retreat that provides some kind of shelter from the fluorescent lights and the open plan comings and goings. I go there whenever the marathon meeting pace allows. Precious moments.
The National used to be - for me - like a sudden visit from an old friend who just really wanted nothing more than to pop over and hang out with you. A real pick me up. Something to smile about. Special.
Lately though, more and more, The National has been catching me off guard. There's always been some bittersweetness to their music and mostly that all just sort of seemed reassuring to me. Now they really just overwhelm me. Riding in the backseat of my friends' car out of nowhere, my eyes brim. Silent, infuriating streams. I can't stop them. It's far too late. Far from perfect but perfectly close to the truth. The practical tragedy of it all. It's suddenly all too real. Too true. I confess here, again to noone, I've recently had my heart broken by someone I thought of as my best friend. She did so ruthlessly, and pathetically - predictably. How recklessly some people live. How quickly wonderous things can turn to ruin. Now it's all just shadows and ghosts.
"About Today" in particular used to seem triumphant to me. The story of it is straight enough. Shit happens. Life is messy. Love can be taxing. Lovers can be saved. The rhythm patters along steadily like slow train riding along at night from inside a sleeper car. The guitar bright and airy. It's like a dreamscape. The vocals lowly recount details and concern of an inner dialog and also recount two sides of a strained conversation. Worry. A check in without affirmation. Feedback bleeds in and sways throughout until the end. They've ended with this song the last 3 times I've seen them live. It's always left me dazed. Powerful stuff.
I'm not holding my breath, but I do hope that someday soon, I will be able to finally, fearlessly listen to The National again. Right now - they scare the fuck out me. I don't want to hear it. I cannot stop listening.